The Hurt Goes On
Some things follow us through life. Certain memories or events can create
feelings that shape us more than we would wish. I’m thinking about feelings of
rejection in particular. I listened to someone recounting their life story in terms of
moments of feeling rejected, cast aside. It had been painful to live through and
the pain from each event seemed to help shape and magnify the impact of the next.
As life moved on this became the recurring theme, no happy moments dwelt upon, and no alternative interpretations. The pain was too deep and personal to avoid or confront. In essence the story was of someone feeling less and less valued throughout their life and as a result becoming trapped in defensive behaviours that only pushed others away. My heart went out to them, but there wasn’t anything I could actually do; apart from listen and care.
It bothered me, this cycle of being hurt, learning to protect oneself and pull away
from everyone, and then feeling isolated alone and rejected. Always feeling an outcast and being hurt all over again.
I recognised the cycle; perhaps we all do. It is easier to pull away than confront
unwelcome truths or challenge cruel untruths. It was just that I had never thought about the damage those unresolved feelings could do.
People often talk about prayer in terms of grand ideals, praying for an end to
world hunger, or for someone to be healed of a terrible disease. These are
worthy and suitable aims but don’t forget that we also pray:
“Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”
and perhaps for the ability to actually do it too. Holding on to the pain and anger
of hurts imposed hurts us and prevents us from moving on. I don’t believe God
gave us this approach to make us “soft” on those who do us harm but to help us
to heal. To provide us with a start point that forces us to identify the hurt done
and the cause as we seek to work through it and past it with His help.
It also reminds me of all the times I have hurt others and failed God by my own
actions. This does more than keep me humble – it reminds me that we are all
human. Sometimes confused and mistaken, other times just making bad choices
for selfish reasons. Human; just like the person who hurt us. Just like the person
we may have hurt. It’s hard to stay angry with someone forever when we sit with
God and talk it through, sharing with him our weaknesses and failures, our
longings and hopes.
Never think He doesn’t understand – He lives through it in us and through His Son who loved you so much He died for you while you were still messed up.
“But God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us
while we were still sinners.”
Romans 5: 8 (NLT)
“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Matthew 6 :14-15 (NLT)
“Two others, both criminals, were led out to be executed with him. When they came to a place called The Skull, they nailed him to the cross. And the criminals were also crucified - one on his right and one on his left.
Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” And the soldiers gambled for his clothes by throwing dice.”
Luke 23: 32-34 (NLT)
I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16: 33 (NLT)